Grief and Bereavement

Coping with grief and bereavement following suicide can be an emotional and draining experience. Losing someone you love, or someone close to you can have a significant impact on your daily life and you may experience a range of difficult and perhaps surprising emotions. Connecting with someone around you and sharing your feelings can be an important step towards healing.

What can you expect when grieving?

Everyone deals with grief and bereavement differently. There are no right or wrongs in the grieving process and we all will cope in our own way. The best thing we can do for people when they are grieving, or when we ourselves are experiencing grief, is to be patient and as understanding as possible. There is no ‘normal’ timetable for grieving, and it may take weeks, months or years to begin to sort through feelings and emotions and make sense of what has happened. Some things to consider when dealing with grief and loss:

It is normal and healthy to feel and express intense and painful emotions.
Grieving is important for healing.
Each person’s experience is unique.
Over time, sometimes years, the pain will diminish but it is normal for these intense emotions to resurface periodically.
Unexpressed or prolonged grief may mean professional help is needed.

What are the signs of grief?

It’s important to remember that there is no exact science in regards to grief and loss; everyone experiences grief and loss in their own way. However people may experience some, or none, of the following:

Shock or disbelief
Anger
Guilt
Shame
Overwhelming sadness
Fear
Physical symptoms like stomach pain, headaches, sleeplessness, weight loss or nausea, etc
Constantly asking “Why?”

These are a normal part of the grieving process. However, there is a difference between complicated grief, clinical depression and/or other mental health issues, and people should be aware of symptoms like:

Intense longing or thoughts about the person gone
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Extreme unexplained fatigue or lack of motivation
Seeing or hearing things
Complete denial, or belief the person is still alive
Inability to function at work or school
Searching for the person in familiar places
Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these, or similar extreme emotions or feelings, seek the help of a professional.

What can I do?

It can take time to learn to cope with bereavement due to loss. However, there are a number of other steps that you could take that may assist you in the grieving process.

Speak to your GP or a counsellor (experienced in grief & bereavement issues)
Ring a counselling support line like Lifeline on 13 11 14
Speak with a friend, family member or someone you trust
Telling and retelling your story helps you to make sense of what has happened
Ensure you eat healthy foods, regular exercise and sleep, and look after yourself
Join a support group

However, if grieving is prolonged and is beginning to affect your ability to function, seek professional help. Studies show that people who are bereaved by suicide often have thoughts of suicide themselves. While this may be common, get help to support you through these feelings.

How can I help someone through grief?

You can support a person through grief and loss in a number of ways. Keep in mind that you will need to be patient and caring. You may feel that someone is not coping with it in the way you would, but this does not make them wrong, or you right. Everyone deals with loss in their own manner, and will need time and support and encouragement to help them cope in their own way. Some hints to assist you to help someone close to you:

Listen to them (even if you’ve heard the story before)
Spend time just being with them without judgement or advice
Help them to locate appropriate professional counselling
Start a bereavement support group if one does not already exist in your area
Supporting the bereaved can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Make sure you get the support you need

For more information on suicide prevention, download a toolkit from http://www.lifeline.org.au/find_help/info_service/toolkits

How do I start a bereavement support group?

Lifeline has recently created a world first best practice Standards & Guidelines and Practice Handbook, to assist people to facilitate safe and appropriate suicide bereavement support groups. The new Standards & Guidelines and Practice Handbook sets out step-by-step how to structure and undertake suicide bereavement support group activity, allowing the provision of the safest support for people in a time of tragic loss. For information on these resources go to http://www.lifeline.org.au/find_help/suicide_prevention/suicide_bereavement_and_postvention