Are you dealing with bereavement?
Ways of coping

Coping with grief and bereavement following suicide can be an emotional and draining experience. Losing someone you love, or someone close to you can have a significant impact on your daily life and you may experience a range of difficult and perhaps surprising emotions. Connecting with someone around you and sharing your feelings can be an important step towards healing.

Gavin's story

In April 1995 Gavin Larkin's father, Baz, took his own life. He had been the major influence in Gav's life and his death was completely devastating. The impact of losing someone who takes their life effects more than 2,100 Australian families every year. Gavin and his brothers experienced the ripple effect a suicide can have on a family. Gav felt broken by his father's death and feared he would never be "fixed".

Watch Gavin's video
 
 
What can you expect when grieving?

Everyone deals with grief and bereavement differently. There are no right or wrongs in the grieving process and we all will cope in our own way. The best thing we can do for people when they are grieving, or when we ourselves are experiencing grief, is to be patient and as understanding as possible. There is no 'normal' timetable for grieving, and it may take weeks, months or years to begin to sort through feelings and emotions and make sense of what has happened.

Some things to consider when dealing with grief and loss:

  • It is normal and healthy to feel and express intense and painful emotions.
  • Grieving is important for healing.
  • Each person's experience is unique.
  • Over time, sometimes years, the pain will diminish but it is normal for these intense emotions to resurface periodically.
  • Unexpressed or prolonged grief may mean professional help is needed.
What are the signs of grief?

It's important to remember that there is no exact science in regards to grief and loss; everyone experiences grief and loss in their own way. However people may experience some, or none, of the following:

  • Shock or disbelief
  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Overwhelming sadness
  • Fear
  • Physical symptoms like stomach pain, headaches, sleeplessness, weight loss or nausea, etc
  • Constantly asking "Why?"

These are a normal part of the grieving process. However, there is a difference between complicated grief, clinical depression and/or other mental health issues, and people should be aware of symptoms like:

  • Intense longing or thoughts about the person gone
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Extreme unexplained fatigue or lack of motivation
  • Seeing or hearing things
  • Complete denial, or belief the person is still alive
  • Inability to function at work or school
  • Searching for the person in familiar places
  • Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these, or similar extreme emotions or feelings, seek the help of a professional.


What can I do?

It can take time to learn to cope with bereavement due to loss. However, there are a number of other steps that you could take that may assist you in the grieving process.

  • Speak to your GP or a counsellor (experienced in grief and bereavement issues)
  • Ring a counselling support line like Lifeline on 13 11 14
  • Speak with a friend, family member or someone you trust
  • Tell and retell your story to a trusted friend to help you to make sense of what has happened
  • Ensure you eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, sleep and look after yourself
  • Join a support group
  • Access online resources, such as those available on WINGS of Hope: www.wingsofhope.org.au
How can I help someone through grief?

You may feel that someone is not coping with it in the way you would, but this does not make them wrong, or you right. Everyone deals with loss in their own manner, and will need time and support and encouragement to help them cope in their own way. Some hints to assist you to help someone close to you:

  • Listen to them (even if you've heard the story before)
  • Spend time with them and don't avoid judgement or advice
  • Help them to locate appropriate professional counselling
  • Start a bereavement support group if one does not already exist in your area
  • Supporting the bereaved can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Make sure you get the support you need so that you can continue to support them.

If grieving is prolonged and is beginning to affect your ability to function, seek professional help. Studies show that people who are bereaved by suicide often have thoughts of suicide themselves. While this may be common, get help to support you through these feelings.

For more information on suicide prevention, download a toolkit from http://www.lifeline.org.au/find_help/info_service/toolkits

 

How do I start a bereavement support group?

Lifeline has recently created a world first best practice Standards & Guidelines and Practice Handbook, to assist people to facilitate safe and appropriate suicide bereavement support groups. The new Standards & Guidelines and Practice Handbook sets out step-by-step how to structure and undertake suicide bereavement support group activity, allowing the provision of the safest support for people in a time of tragic loss. For information on these resources go to http://www.lifeline.org.au/find_help/suicide_prevention/suicide_bereavement_and_postvention

R U OK? policy

R U OK? is an independent, not-for-profit organisation whose purpose is to provide national focus and leadership on suicide prevention in Australia by empowering people to make a difference by having open and honest communication. Our vision is for a society that can openly discuss suicide and actively takes responsibility for maintaining the connections that prevent it.
Please read our R U OK? policy guide